The Dress
by The Josie In The Rye
Summary: Lance couldn't sleep. His insides were being eaten up by guilt, and he knew he would have to do something about it. He just hoped Pidge was still up. Set just after Pidge gender reveal.


**This is my first fanfiction in quite a few years. I figured it would be good writing practice and I just so happen to have fallen in love with Voltron: Legendary Deffenders recently. This is a scene I feel could have happened behind the scenes, but might be too, idk, _bold,_ for netflix to try. I didn't write it as Plance (Klance is Canon King), but if you guys want to read it as that, you do just that.**

* * *

It was late, and he should have been asleep. Despite how life in space turns night and day into abstracts, Lance hadn't had too much trouble settling into a rhythm. He woke up feeling refreshed, and after a long day consisting mostly of a tough workout run by Shiro, he was usually asleep before his head hit the pillow. Usually. Tonight, he had brushed his teeth, discarded his clothes in a corner and taken a shower all in a trance. Yet still, once Lance had crawled into bed, sleep would not come. He tossed and turned, under the covers, over the covers, halfway on the floor… Nothing. The worst part was that he knew why. He could feel it like a buzzer in his head and a weight on his chest.

"I have to do something about this, don't I?" he asked his ceiling. It had nothing to say. "That's what I thought."

Pushing the covers aside, Lance stumbled out of bed and quickly put on a t-shirt and pulled up the jeans he had flung into a corner some hours before. If he wanted to catch her before she went to bed, he would have to hurry.

The halls of the castle were quiet and dimly lit, giving the illusion of night time. The only sounds to be heard were the gentle hum of the engines and Lance's footsteps almost completely silenced by his Blue Lion slippers. However, as he stood in front of her door and waited for some sign telling him she hadn't gone to bed yet, the silence was interrupted by quiet noises coming from inside. Only after hearing them, did Lance dare knock.

"Pidge?" he asked. "You still awake?"

There came no answer and he knocked again. The door slit aside.

Her room was a mess; dirty clothes and electronics everywhere. Posters, pictures and drawings adorned the walls, and a string of fairy lights had been suspended over it all. In the middle of the mess, her face illuminated by the computer screen, sat Pidge. Her short hair was pressed against her cheeks by a pair of headphones.

"Oh, hey Lance," she said, looking up. "What are you doing up?"

Lance snorted and crossed his arms. "I could ask you the same. And how the hell do you live like this, it's even messier than my room."

Pidge shrugged her shoulders. "Eh, never been much of an orderly person. You should see Shiro's room, everything is lined up to a tee." She pushed up he glasses and smiled. "So, what can I do for you at this late hour?"

Being reminded of his reason for his visit, Lance felt his whole chest clench painfully. He didn't know what to do with himself. Relaxing his arms down his side, but that also felt weird and forced, and he scratched the back of his head. "I wanted to say I'm sorry." As he said it, he felt his voice break slightly near the end. He couldn't meet her eyes anymore and gazed instead down at his slippers.

Now, he had Pidge's full attention. She let the headset hang around her neck. At the sight of her friend's discomfort, her smile had vanished. "Sorry for what?"

Despite their height difference, and the fact the she was sitting and he; standing, Lance had never felt so small. He felt like a midget, and he felt like he deserved it. "For the way I reacted earlier." His voice barely carried any weight. The following silence was agonizing.

"Why don't you come in?"

Lance glanced up and felt some of his fear and desperation ooze out of him when he met Pidge's kind eyes. The corners of her mouth curved slightly upwards in a forgiving manner. He stepped in feeling hopeful and found of spot free of stuff on the bed and sat down. The door closed behind him.

Pidge shut her laptop and turned towards him, sitting cross legged. "Lance, I want you to know that I'm not mad. Not at all."

"But I am," Lance quickly interrupted. "I'm mad at myself. I should have realized, all the others did."

Putting a finger to her chin as she often did when she was thinking, Pidge replied: "But Shiro only knew because I told him about my dad and my brother. Matt must have mentioned at some point that he had a little sister. And Allura knew because the mice told her. She was actually also really surprised she told me. You weren't the only one."

Lance head still hung low on his shoulders. "But what about Hunk? And Keith? Even Coran!"

Pidge smirked and gestured with her hands. "Please! I _heard_ Coran using male pronouns, so he _must_ have assumed I was a boy. And remember when Hunk found that picture of me and "my girlfriend"? Yeah, that's actually my brother and the girl, well, that was me. And Keith!" At this she staggered. "Actually, I don't know how Keith found out."

It was clear to Lance that his friend was trying to cheer him up, but the guilt still clutched his heart. Finally, he met her eyes unwavering. "Pidge, I just want you to know that I am so sorry, and that I am, of course, totally okay with it. It's not going to change anything, I promise. I don't care one bit, in fact, it'll be nice to have a girl on the team. I just wished I had realized sooner."

His words touched her and made her look away, blinking tears away before they could form. "It means a lot, Lance. And you have nothing to be sorry about. It's not like I really look the part…"

"Pidge…" Lance spoke softly, reaching out for her before stopping himself.

"No, it's okay, really." Her smile was only small, but it was genuine. "I've had fifteen years to accept who I am, even if nature wasn't as kind as to provide me with, shall we say, the correct starter pack."

" _Matt! Come here for a second, darling."_

" _But mooom, I'm playing!"_

" _You can play afterwards; mommy and daddy have something we want to tell you!"_

 _They said in such a manner that peeked the little boy's curiosity, enough for him to abandon his nearly finish sand castle. Quickly brushing of the sand and dirt, Matt sprinted across the lawn towards the house. He had so much momentum, he almost fell over when he stopped just in time to remember to take off his shoes before entering. "I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming!" he yelled anxiously while kicking off the second sneaker; scared they would start without him._

 _Once inside, he found his parents sitting at the kitchen table, his father's arm protectively around his mother's shoulders._

" _Why don't you take a seat, son?" his father asked._

 _Suddenly, Matt's curiosity left him. "Am I in trouble? Cause I swear, I didn't do it!"_

 _His parents laughed lovingly, why, they seemed to Matt to almost to be glowing._

" _Of course you're not in trouble," his mother said. "We just have some good news we want to share with you!"_

" _You're going to be a big brother!" finished his dad._

 _Matt almost fell down the chair he had just sat on. "Really?!" His whole face lit up._

 _After convincing him that, yes, he was indeed going to be a big brother, Matt asked the most natural follow up question._

" _Is it a boy or a girl?"_

 _Smiling serenely at each other, they answered in unison: "A boy."_

"Matt told me about it, though he doesn't remember all the details. He was just six or seven years old at the time."

Lance didn't know how to reply. He felt honoured just being told the story.

Pidge giggled, continuing. "I never really liked the name they gave me. My mom's family is Italian, all catholic, and they have this tradition where all the boys' names are biblical."

 _Samuel refused to give up and tried once more._

" _Come on now, you can do it, I know you can. Say: Peter."_

 _Nothing. The child refused to speak. There were sounds, many sounds, semi-words even, at times. Just not "Peter"._

 _Sam sighed. "Colleen, he won't say it, he just won't."_

 _His wife laughed, putting away a plate and picking up another to dry off. "Give him time, consonants are hard."_

 _Finally glancing up from his book, Matthew frowned. "No, they're not, I use them all the time! I bet I could get him to say it." Crawling to the other end of the couch, he lay down on his stomach next to his brother. Propped up by his elbows, he said, very carefully: "Peter."_

 _Teasing father was fun enough, but once big brother asked you to do something, you better do it._

" _Pe…" tried the child._

" _He's doing it, he's really doing it!" Sam said unbelievingly._

" _Ped… Piii…. Pid." The child grinned confidently. "Pid."_

 _Sam deflated a little. "Well, he almost did it."_

 _Matt howled with laughter. "Pidge? I like it!"_

Lance couldn't help but let a chuckle escape him. "So that's how you got your name? Pidge?"

She laughed too, a real hearty laugh. "Yeah, pretty much."

Pidge had talked herself warm, finding it surprisingly easy to talk to Lance about her earlier life. Until now, their friendship had been built on charade, and finally being able to be herself, she didn't want to hide anything. Which kind of surprised her, having always been a very privet person, only really close with her brother. But Matt wasn't here and in her need of him, suddenly Lance was there. He couldn't replace Matt, nothing would ever replace Matt, but he was kind and willing to listen. Sometimes, that is all one needs.

So Pidge went on, hugging her knees to her chest. "It wasn't obvious the first few years. I've always been interested in science and science doesn't really scream GIRL, like, I don't know, a doll would. So I played space exploration with Matt and was content with life." She paused briefly. "But then, I remember it clearly, it was just before kindergarten, and I was out shopping with my mom…"

 _It was a sunny day and the mall was stock full of people buying back-to-school supplies and warmer clothes for the coming season. Kids were running around chasing each other, in and out between grownups. Pidge, not a very social child, kept close to the cart filled with bags of stuff._

" _So," said Colleen, looking over her list. "I think we got everything. Oh no, wait," she smacked her forehead and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I forgot, you ripped that shirt last week." Looking down at Pidge affectionately, she suggested they went to find a new one._

 _No hands free because of the overfilled cart, Pidge clung to her skirt instead. They went past store after store, making their way towards the children section. Clothes had never interested Pidge, they were plain and boring and usually hand-me-downs from Matt. But suddenly, out of nowhere, they walked past a store window like no other._

 _Letting go of mother's skirt, Pidge dashed towards it, nosed pressed against the glass. Just out of reach hung the most beautiful dress ever made. It was blue and had flowers on it; roses and lilies and forget-me-nots. The sleeves were made of lace, and the skirt went all the way past the knees of the mannequin. It may just have been the light, but it seemed to glow and sparkle all on its own._

" _Oh, I want it, I want it!" Pidge cried, never looking away from it, not even blinking. "Mom, please can I have it instead of the shirt?"_

 _Colleen looked back and forth between the window and her son. "Peter, are you talking about the dress?"_

" _Please, pleeeease….." Pidge was now down on the floor looking desperately up at her. She couldn't say no to that face._

 _Instead she smiled down at him overbearingly. "Of course, honey. If you really like that dress, you can have it."_

It was almost the same smile that now spread on Lance's face. "Sounds like a really pretty dress," he said.

"The prettiest," Pidge replied, recalling the memory fondly. "The day my mom decided I had outgrown it, I was devasted. Took her forever to make me stop crying."

Just half an hour ago, Lance wouldn't have been comfortable asking what he did now, but Pidge seemed to rest so much in who she was, it was like nothing could shake her. "Was, uhm, was that the day you realized you were a girl?"

If it sounded dumb, Pidge didn't let it show. She put a finger to her chin once more, and Lance wondered quietly if she was aware of this habit of hers. "I don't think there was one single moment of, if you may, "enlightenment". I feel like it was more of a journey.

"After getting the dress, I refused to let anyone cut my hair. I thought it was much prettier when it was long. And I guess a part of me wanted to look different than my brother," she admitted. "Now I wear his glasses just to be reminded of him…"

She pressed her eyes hard against her knees and only looked back up when she felt Lance warm hand on her shoulder.

"We'll find him," he said softly. "You know that, right?"

Pidge nodded and scratched her nose, looking away for just a moment. Lance pretended not to notice anything.

"Anyway!" Pidge gayly turned back to her friend, "I wasn't really confronted with the boys-and-girls world until kindergarten. I wasn't a boy or a girl, I was just Pidge. That changed fast though," she spit out in an annoyed tone and with a frown on her face.

 _Normally, Pidge was very content with hoarding some blocks or books and sit in a corner alone. But today was different. Today Stephanie and the other girls' game seemed very special, and Pidge was wearing the blue dress. Today was a day of confidence._

 _Walking right up to the group: "What are you playing, can I play too?"_

 _Stephanie looked up and down this strange child and always said by himself. "Why are you wearing a dress?" she asked, clearly the leader of the small band of girls. "You are a boy and boys don't wear dresses." She didn't say it in a mean way, just matter-of-factly, as any child with limited understanding of the world would have done._

 _Pidge didn't know how to reply. "I… I like it." Wasn't that enough?_

" _Well, it's weird," Stephanie said. "But you can play with us if you want."_

 _For a moment, the exchange about the dress was forgotten and all was well. That is, until…_

" _No no no!" cried Stephanie, stomping her foot on the floor. "You are supposed to be the father! The father marries the mother, because she's a girl. You're getting it all wrong."_

 _By now, this game was so confusing. Pidge had joined in wanting to play_ with _the other girls, but they kept wanting him to play a different role in the story, something separate. Something different. But they weren't different, were they?_

" _But I don't want to marry a girl." Pidge was on the verge of tears. "I want to marry a boy, like all of you!" What was so wrong with that? All the other girls had gotten to marry a boy, and mom was married to dad… why did they treat Pidge like an outcast?_

" _Uh, I know, I know!" Clary shouted. "He has the homosexual." She seemed extremely proud in being able to pronounce such a difficult word. "It's when girls like girls and boys like boys. My dad told me."_

 _Pidge knew about this already; a cousin of his mother had married a man. But that had been so different. When Pidge imagined his own wedding day, he was in a dress, a white dress, even more beautiful than the blue one…_

" _I just want to be like all of you." By then, Pidge was in tears._

It was quiet for a while.

"It was a really bad day," Pidge then broke the silence. "I think I needed a day like that though. To help me along. It was a few days later I asked my mom if I was a boy or a girl." She hid her face in her arms.

"And what did she say?" Lance asked, rubbing his hands on his jeans.

Without warning, Pidge's small figured dived into Lance's chest soaking his shirt in tears.

" _Mom?" Pidge asked._

 _She looked up from her knitting needles. "Yes, dear, what is it?"_

" _Am I a boy like Matt and dad or a girl like you?"_

 _Colleen, knowing her daughter better she knew herself, put down her needles and said with all the care and all the love she had: "You be whatever you want to be, Pidge."_

Lance stroked Pidge's light brown hair as the girl sobbed into his shoulder. She really was very small. "Sounds like a great mom."

"The best," Pidge choked out in between her sobs. "I miss her so much!"

"I miss my mom too."

They sat like this for a long time, listening to the castles engines humming away. When Pidge pulled back at last, it wasn't farther than Lance's side, their legs still touching. Her eyes were read and puffy, nevertheless, she continued on, filling in details.

"I felt so much better after that." She coughed a couple of times, getting her voice straight again. "I started school not as Peter, but as Katie and -"

"Wait," Lance interrupted smacking his palm hard against his forehead. "I just realized, I never asked for your real name. It's Katie? I like it, it suits you."

Pidge blushed slightly at this but didn't let it distract her. "Nobody really bothered me after that. People seemed accepting or unaware. Of course, jerks can be found everywhere, but it really helps to have an older brother threatening to beat the shit out of them if they don't treat his little sister right." She chuckled.

"At thirteen I started taking hormone pills to interfere with my body's changes. I even began to get boobs, which is actually a pretty big deal, when… When the Kerberos team disappeared."

It took her only a moment to collect herself, and Lance would have given her hours if that was what she needed.

"When it became apparent they wouldn't give me any information, I had to do something. I couldn't just sit and wait for a miracle."

"So you invented Pidge Gunderson," Lance concluded for her.

Pidge nodded. "It was kind of sad when I had to cut my hair. I felt like I was going back to being something I was not all over again. And of course, the pills had to go as well. But I was determined. I still am."

The look she gave Lance cut have drawn blood – her eyes were steel. He knew in that instant, that there was no one he would rather fight besides than the little girl, capable of overcoming so much. When the Green Lion had chosen her, it chose wisely.

"I miss wearing dresses, though," Pidge admitted with a sigh. "I know it sounds dumb, I mean, I'm not a girly girl by any means, and we have so much else to worry about, but a dress would be nice."

Lance put his arm around her shoulder and ruffled her hair with his free hand. "Doesn't sound dumb at all."

The next morning, Pidge woke up by herself, not remembering Lance leaving. Yawing and stretching, she crawled out of bed wishing she could stay just one more hour. Tiredly she found a pair of sweatpants and a green hoodie, not being up to anything more complicated for breakfast.

As soon as she stepped out her door, something on the floor caught her eye. Laundry? As she picked it up, the yellow, silky fabric unfolded into a stunning dress. Pinned to its front was a note:

 _Borrowed it from Allura, who seemed to know what it was for. It's not blue, but I hope it works – Lance_

* * *

 ** _So, I hope you liked it. Say it with me everyone: Lance. Is. Not. Just. Comic. Relief._**

 ** _Not all of you may read Pidge the way I do (which I really love. The writers left so much up to the fans, and we all watch the show differently). To me, she is transgender. First of, everyone assumed from the get-go that she was a boy. Second, and most importantly, she got into the military with a male persona. Don't tell me you get into the Galaxy Garrison without a physical examination. But she would be able to get around that, AND she would have the strength to sacrifies herself like this for her family. Pidge is just so quiznak awesome like that._**


End file.
